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30 ago. 2011


Como último post del mes de agosto, una anécdota muy personal de Rolando, que, como habitualmente, es capaz de contar (casi) absolutamente cualquier cosa. Pero no es una historia gratuita, sino que ilustra de manera divertida y gráfica el placer de las cosas habituales, que a veces se nos escapa de advertir...hasta que surge algún problema.

Pertenece a una entrevista publicada por Welt Online el 7 de marzo de 2008, con motivo de la publicación de "Cielo e mar". Trata de más cosas, pero el periodista no dejó escapar el titular: Villazon und die Sache mit Barenboims WC (Villazón y el asunto del WC de Barenboim).

El entrevistador pregunta a Rolando sobre un reciente problema de salud, él responde, y acaba con esta frase "Cada enfermedad también trae algo positivo con ella". Y sigue así...
Periodista: ¿Qué?

Rolando: Hace unos años estuve aquí en Berlín. Me reuní con Daniel Barenboim, que tuvo la amabilidad de invitarme a cenar a su casa, todo fue maravilloso. Pero de pronto sucedió algo extraño. Sentí un poco de ardor cuando orinaba. El ardor se hizo más fuerte y más fuerte, el chorro se hizo cada vez más débil. Finalmente, fue una tortura para mí. 

Periodista: Eso suena muy desagradable. ¿Y después? 

Rolando: Pues me tuve que ir a urgencias al hospital y me recetaron unas pastillas. Después de unos días todo estaba bien de nuevo. ¡Damos tantas cosas por supuestas, sin ni siquiera darno cuenta! Sólo lo vemos si enfermamos, sino, no es evidente. Cada vez que voy al baño, cuando hago pis, pienso: ¡Oh, qué agradable es!. Simplemente dejar ir, y sale fuera. Sin ardor y sin dolor.

(gracias a Ingrid por la información)

14 comentarios:

  1. Thank you, Ingrid, for sharing this humorous anecdote, which is one of those things that is funny only after it is over, right?

    Interestingly, there is more to the story than Rolando has revealed here, having refrained from doing so for reasons of delicacy.

    Scene outside of the Barenboim residence:
    Daniel Barenboim: No, Rolando, I am accompanying you to the hospital, no matter what you say.

    Barenboim hails a taxi, and promptly gets in with Rolando.

    Taxi driver: Hello Maestro, always a pleasure to be of service!

    Then, looking back at Rolando: Hey, I know you! You’re Rolando Villazón, the rockstar tenor! My wife and I are big fans! Would you mind signing an autograph before we get going?

    Rolando: Please, I’m in a lot of discomfort…can we just go!?

    Taxi driver: It’ll just take a minute! Besides, my wife will kill me if she finds out I had you in the taxi and didn’t get your autograph. And could you do one for her grandma, my mother-in-law, and my probation officer, if you could. A quick drawing would be nice, too, if it’s not too much trouble.

    Rolando, wincing but not wishing to disappoint a fan, signs the autographs and draws a cartoon of himself with his back turned, clearly engaged in a routine matter of nature, looking over his shoulder, with tears of pain running down his face.

    Rolando: There, now please hurry!

    The taxi driver yammers on about the state of modern opera while Rolando writhes in the back seat, dreading the imminent call of nature.

    Finally, they arrive at the emergency room, where Rolando leaps out of the taxi and runs in yelling for a fire extinguisher.

    Rolando is greeted by the hospital staff, who all instantly recognize him—their beloved Dr. Roli!

    All as one: It’s Rolando! Dr. Roli! Here for a surprise visit! The children will be thrilled!

    Rolando: No, you don’t understand! I need emergency medical attention! When I pee, it burns and hurts like a thousand devils!

    The doctors and nurses burst out laughing: You can’t fool us! You’re here for the kids, Dr. Roli!

    Dr. Strangelove: Wonderful! A new side of Dr. Roli—it’s Dr. Roli, acting as the patient. Looking at the situation from the opposite perspective.

    Dr. Feelgood: Empathizing with the experience of the patients to gain insights into their feelings. Brilliant!

    Dr. Spock: Transforming what was once an alien experience into his own personal world.

    Dr. Faustus: One senses he would sell his soul to the devil to gain knowledge of their thoughts.

    Dr. House: Even I feel sorry for him.

    Rolando: Huh? Are you out of your minds? Can’t you see I’m in real distress. And now, I have to go to the bathroom again. Noooooo!!!!

    Runs into the bathroom and slams the door. Within seconds, unleashes a blood-curdling howl of pain followed by a string of expletives in a language that was once considered Spanish.

    Dr. Frankenstein: Amazing how he brings his emotions to life!

    Dr. Hannibal Lector: Positively delicious!

    Nurse Ratched: Now Rolando, if you just take these little pills like a good boy, you’ll be fine.

    Rolando crawls out of the bathroom on all fours, clearly having gone through a soul-numbing walk through hell.

    Doctor Atomic: I always knew he was a great actor, but the fusion of emotions followed by that nuclear explosion! Simply marvelous!

    Cheers and thunderous applause.

    Dr. Dolittle: There’s no time to waste! Let’s whisk you to the children’s ward where you can make your amazing animal sounds!

    Rolando is carried off on the shoulders of the delighted staff to entertain the youngsters. His plaintive cries recede slowly down the hallway, “Why won’t you believe me...?”

    Barenboim, shaking his head: That’ll teach you to be a great actor.

  2. Great anecdote. It is so well written and invented that you almost think it truly happened!

    Your fantasie, dear Joanna, is overwhelming!! Please send more and more and more of these stories!!!
    You make our life happy and cheerful!

  3. The previous commentary, allegedly submitted by "Joanna from New York" is clearly a fraud. The real Joanna from New York would never have committed the capital offense of referring to Rolando as "Dr.Roli" rather than the correct name that every card-carrying villazonista (including myself) knows: "Dr. Rolo" (or "Dr. Rollo"). The miscreants who have committed identity theft and thereby irreparably besmirched my reputation shall be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

    Whoever you are--he, she or it--animal, vegetable, or mineral--call your lawyer. You'll need one.

  4. ????
    La primera vez en mi vida (personal y profesional) que alguien relata algo positivo en sufrir un ITU o un cólico.
    Me he quedado de una pieza...

  5. Merci Ingrid ,où avez vous dénicher cette perle ?
    Joanna quand à vous ,vous êtes incroyable d'humour.
    Quel plaisir :o))))

  6. Joann...¡fantástica historia hiper-realista, muchas gracias!
    Isabel, pues ya sabes lo que profesionalmente tienes que comentar al que padezca esta problema..."No sabe usted lo contento que estará después, cada vez que lo haga"

  7. catherine la parisienne31/8/11 10:14

    Encore un "souffle" de franche gaîté pour terminer ce mois d'août.

    Merci à toutes !

  8. dans le mème registre Rolando m'a fait beaucoup rire dans le dvd de l'album "gitano " ou il plaisante avec Placido du "banana power" et des effets néfastes sur son transit ! sacré Rolando : toujours très naturel et amuseur ! surtout qu'il ne change pas !

  9. Cette mésaventure qu'il a relatée il y a quelques années déjà, a été une leçon de vie, et tout naturellement il a voulu nous faire part de son expérience et des conclusions à en tirer.
    J'aime sa spontanéïté, son naturel, sa fraicheur, surtout ne CHANGE RIEN Rolandito !!!!
    Joanna notre romancière intarissable, quelle imagination et quel humour !!

  10. Desayunando, o sea empezando mi día, me he reído con el mini-guión de Johanna...jajajaja...tengo el día con muy buen comienzo...Gracias Johanna

  11. FromCanarias31/8/11 15:24

    Natural, como la vida misma. ¡Fabuloso!

  12. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. :-)

    Great post, Teresa!

    A universal experience, for sure. Thanks to Rolando for providing us with limitless ways of appreciating experiences both great and small!

  13. Thanks, Ingrid. for posting that little story, poor Rolando, what pain he must have gone through. And thanks, Joanna, priceless as usual, you made my day. Hahaha! Please keep writing those beauties. And VIVA VILLAZON!

  14. Pues intentar explicar esto a mis "pacientitos", que están todos entre los 0 y los 3 años lo voy a tener un poquito dificil...